Artemis Fowl and the Starbucks Takeover
by Pirates For Life
Summary: It's up to Artemis and Holly to save the world from Starbucks! Cowritten by Pirates for Life and CriminalMastermind. Post Lost Colony, but only minor spoilers.


**Artemis Fowl: The Starbucks Takeover**

Writers comment: This is the first co-written story by **Pirates For Life** and **CriminalMastermind**. (Yeah, It's true what you heard, we _are _great) It's about Starbucks Coffee taking over the world. When you drink it you become a zombie. But since it's the best coffee on earth you got to drink it. Mwahahahaha! And, of course, there are just two who can save the world, because they don't drink coffee. Artemis Fowl 2 and Holly Short, active on section 8, will stick together again in this story to save the world from Starbucks? Read on, please dear reader. :D

Pirates for Life's Comment: To all those who have read my Arty Cam story and are waiting for me to update it, I'm extremely sorry. School is beating me down and causing lack of creativity, and hopefully this will get the writer's block to stop. Next chapter will be up soon, I promise

CriminalMasterbrain's Comment: To all those who have read my Artemis Fowl and the Shuttle Of Doom story Tries to knock Pirates for life out and are waiting for _me_ to update, blah blah blah.

Both: Yes, we will update, see and conquer. Vini Vidi Vici

**Disclaimer: We don't own Artemis Fowl ,Starbucks, or the world now, but when our master plan is complete…insert evil laugh here**

**Warning: This story is meant to be, _and is _going to be extremely silly, in some cases stupid, and full of plot holes. You have been warned. **

Chapter 1:

"Coffee Drinking Zombies of Doom! Mwahahaha! 

**-Fowl Manor, Ireland**

Artemis sat behind his desk. He just made an appointment with Holly Short to 'hang out.' They wanted to do that for a long time but it was always interrupted by a crisis. This time Holly was just coming over to talk.

He had been typing for hours on his laptop. His eyes were hurting and his lack of sleep made him yawn every half an hour. He was hacking a lot of websites concerning Starbucks coffee. At first it was just to get some inside stock/company information, but he was starting to notice that something unusual was going un within the company. The biggest tip off had probably been the page marked, "Super Secret World Domination Plans: Authorized Personal Only" Honestly, he thought with a loud sigh. When were villains going to learn the proper way to achieve world domination? Artemis thought about writing a how to guide, but Holly or his parents probably wouldn't approve.

There were many conspiracy websites concerning the subject of Starbucks, and 100 times the amount containing world domination conspiracies. Not to mention one containing a conspiracy that claimed Care Bears, were actually evil spies from outer space. Artemis filed that under the 'WTF?' category.

Anyway, he decided, before you knew it, there was a new revolution were a brand took part in. But probably nothing to worry about. Artemis didn't drink coffee that much, as he preferred earl grey tea, and coffee made him hyper, so it wasn't his concern.

Artemis couldn't stop yawning now, so he went to his couch and decided to turn on the TV. That had been a major breakthrough for him in his goal to act more like a normal teenager. He zapped to a news channel on his wide screen plasma TV. It was about Starbucks, unfortunately. He zapped to another channel. Starbucks. Every channel was possessed by Starbucks!

"Grumble…" He muttered. Suddenly something took his attention.

"**Breaking news: Starbucks takes over the world! All over the planet people who drink Starbucks turn into zombie's!** **We have a true revolution **('Yes, I thought so'thought Artemis…wait, zombies! He had finally registered what was actually being said. This can't be good, he thought grimly.) **down here and we try to keep them out but… AAARGH!" **

A zombie jumped in the room were the reporter was talking and tried to bite her head of. He then looked right into the camera and knocked it off its stand.

"Hey! Get off my camera, you idiot! AAAAARGH!" That was probably the camera man. Blood came on the camera and several people were retching.

Artemis groaned, another crisis. Well, he'd still get to see Holly anyway. Besides, Artemis had a theory that stated if Holly and him ever got to actually talk in person without some sort of crisis going on the world just might end.

He almost felt like rolling his eyes, but resisted it. He stood up and stepped out of the study. As he walked down the stairs, he noticed some strange things. Paintings that hung lopsided and flowers and vases that looked like they were threw aside.

"Butler?" Called Artemis. "Butler!" No response. "Juliet?" Suddenly he heard a weird growl coming from behind him. "Er… Juliet… Butler…?" He whispered uncertain. He tried to activate his fairy communicator with as little movement as possible…

**-Section 8, Haven**

Holly paced around her office. Her head was filled with thoughts about Artemis Fowl. They were going to meet soon, and despite how much she tried to hide it, she was excited. When she looked into his eyes she felt as if she could drown in them. She stopped pacing and stared in the mirror. The one blue eye that was now part of her made her feel even more deeply for him. Holly wondered about his relationship with Minerva. The feeling of kicking the ingenious girl took over her.

Besides, said the more sensible part of her brain. You two are different species, and you're over 70 years older then him! You will probably outlive him too! I don't care, replied the part that was in love. Holly was relieved as Foaly rushed in to brake up her internal battle.

"Holly! Holly!" Foaly came galloping into her office "Holly! It's… it's terrible! Not to mention unusual and creepy! Zombies appear all over the world! It appears to be because of some coffee…er…" He turned over the pages in a notebook he carried with him. "Er… yeah… It's called 'Starbucks'." He looked at Holly. "And that turns people into zombies when they become addicted to the coffee." He kept on reading the notes and then looked back again.

"What? Oh my goodness…" Muttered Holly. She started to pace again. "Oh my…" She grabbed her communicator and pushed a few buttons.

Not a second later she heard Artemis's voice, and as far as she could hear his situation was bad.

"Holly? I really don't have time now! Unless you're going to say you're on your way here to save me from zombies who want to rip me to shreds! Argh!"

Holly heard the panic in his voice and didn't hesitate for a moment.

"I'm on my way!" And she broke communications. "Foaly! I need to get to the surface fast! There are zombies in Artemis's…er… Fowl's house!" She started to ran to the office door and banged against it. She fell back on the floor. "Ouch…"

"That should teach you not to over react." Smiled Foaly. "Now what did you say?" He tried to raise one of his horsy eyebrows but it was a quite failure. "So there are zombies in Fowl's house? That should… WHAT? IN FOWL'S HOUSE? We got to go there ASAP!" They called in a favour for a shuttle from a certain pixie they knew by the name of Doodah Day. And, because of the magical ability of plot holes, they were at Fowl Manor before they knew it just in time to save Artemis…

**-Fowl Manor, Ireland**

"No! Butler! Don't, please! Juliet help!" Butler was chasing Artemis who ran for his life.

"D…drink… cof…feeeeeee!" Groaned Butler.

Artemis turned around. Maybe he could stall the zombie Butler until Holly arrived.

"Butler! I don't drink coffee, old friend!"

This though made Butler, or actually the zombie, very angry. "STARBUUUUUCKS!" He yelled and continued to run after Artemis.

"Juliet! Help!" yelped Artemis in a tone higher then his voice normally should be. He ran up the stairs and tried to hide in a roomcough like a sissy cough.

Suddenly there was a deep growl. "S…tarbuuuucks…"

Artemis, still pushing against the door, slowly turned around, his hands pressed tightly against the door. His eyes widened and sparkles of fear appeared in his sapphire blue eyes. "J… Juliet…?"

Juliet's face was emotionless. The only thing she had was hunger. Hunger for Artemis, or a grande mocha frappichino. She crept towards him then stopped. "Creamy coffee…" She groaned.

"Juliet… no, please!" Artemis threw up a hand like that would stop her. Since it didn't work he only saw one chance. One shot to make it alive out of Fowl Manor. He grabbed a coin out of his pocket and threw it to the other side of the room. Juliet followed the coin with her eyes and turned around, then ran after it.

"Shiny!" she said with almost joy as she leaned over the coin.

Without hesitating Artemis ran towards the window and opened it. The balcony! He jumped upon it and turned around to see what happened. Butler had broke through the door and was running towards him (A/N: A shame it isn't a movie. We would see such a cool close-up. We would be looking through Butler's eyes running towards Artemis… wow) Artemis eyes widened even more and the second that Butler would tackle him. He stepped back and… fell. Over the balcony edge. Apparently, the railing was rusty and had broken when Artemis was pushed agaisnt it cowering in fear.

'I'm dead.' He thought. 'After all that, escaping , I'm going to die because of a stupid _balcony_!' He shook his head. How was this possible? But, instead of splatting against the hard, farway ground into an Artemis pancake, someone caught him and he was now hovering fur feet abouve the ground and slowly descending. This wasn't a human. It had to be… "Holly?" Artemis looked up straight in Holly's smiling face.

"I think this was the perfect timing, wasn't it?" She grinned. It felt pretty funny to have Artemis in her arms, since the boy usually caught the girl. She liked it. When she looked straight into Artemis blue and brown eyes she drowned again. The feeling of kissing him was trying to over-power her but she resisted it.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, despite the fact that I just fell off a balcony…again." Artemis said, with a sacastic smile.

"So how's Minerva?" Dumb question, Holly scolded herself. It had just slipped out.

Artemis's smiling face changed very quickly. Now he looked annoyed.

"She's fine." Artemis and Minerva had broken up, a little while ago. They were still friends though. He didn't feel like talking about her with Holly, though.

Suddenly, Holly and Artemis landed next to the _borrowed _shuttle they rode in.

"Hey Fowl, are you up for saving the world as we know it again?" Foaly asked.

" Sure." Artemis said with a wry smile.

"So where's Butler?"

"That's the horrible, part." Artemis answered. "Butler's already a zombie. Juliet too."

"That just made things harder." Foaly sighed. "You're okay right?"

"I'm fine. What about you?"

Foaly chuckled. "After I was almost ran over by Holly? Pretty good!"

Artemis raised an eyebrow. "Ran over?" He was happy that Holly had rushed here to save him.

"Ahem" Holly cleared her throat in embarassment. "Yes… er… I was a little hasty." She looked away with blushes on her cheeks. "Well… what can we do about the _zombies_?" At that moment Juliet and Butler ran out the house.

"STARBUUUUUUUUCKSS!" They yelled. Butler growled loudly and made a huge jump towards them, almost injuring Holly.

"Don't worry," Holly said as she stunned both Butler and Juliet with her Nuetrino. "We'll get them down to the labs to try and see if there's a way to reverse this. "

"We have to hurry, the zombies cases are getting worse and worse." Foaly told them after consulting a hand held computer. The three of them worked squeezing Butler and Juliet into the shuttle.

**-LEP building, Haven**

"Kelp?" Wing commander Vinyaya stood in the office of captain Trouble Kelp. "Hey! Trouble!" She heard a soft, frightened, grown from under the desk. "Trubs?" She carefully walked towards the desk and looked under it. "Trubs! What's happened?" She saw Trouble Kelp changing. Literally. His skin was becoming a greenish grey and normal fairy hands changed into dirty claws. It looked like it was hurting him because tears flew over his face. "Oh my Frondness!" Said Vinyaya "I'll get you to the sickbay!" She took his hand and pulled him to his feet.

"V… Vinyaya…" Said Trouble suddenly. His eyes were one and all sadness. "S… starbucks…" Just one other tear came out his eye and not a second later he fainted.

Writers comments:

The first chapter. It's a little short but it has to do since our school started and we don't have seas of time. Unfortunately. Hope you like it and… review please! Just click the little button below… you know the routine. THANKS:D

Pirates For Life and CriminalMastermind


End file.
